How to Set Boundaries as a Recovering People-Pleaser

If you’ve always tried to make everyone happy, setting boundaries might feel challenging. People-pleasers often struggle with saying no and putting themselves first. But learning to set boundaries is crucial for your well-being. Here’s a simple guide to help you set healthy boundaries while you’re working on being less of a people-pleaser.

Understand What Boundaries Are

Boundaries are like invisible lines that protect your time, energy, and feelings. They help you maintain a healthy balance between your needs and the needs of others. Setting boundaries means being clear about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not.

Recognize Your Needs

Start by thinking about what you need to feel good and balanced. Are you feeling overwhelmed by work? Do you need more time for yourself? Understanding your own needs will help you set boundaries that protect your well-being.

Learn to Say No

Saying no can be tough, especially if you’re used to trying to please everyone. Practice saying no in a polite but firm way. For example, you could say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t take on that task right now” or “I need to focus on my own needs this weekend.” Remember, it’s okay to say no.

Be Clear and Direct

When you set a boundary, be clear and direct about it. Avoid vague statements that can lead to confusion. For example, instead of saying, “I need some space,” try saying, “I need an hour each evening to relax and unwind.” Clear communication helps others understand and respect your boundaries.

Practice Self-Care

Setting boundaries is a form of self-care. It means taking time for yourself and prioritizing your own needs. Make sure to include activities in your routine that help you relax and recharge. Self-care helps you feel more confident and less guilty about setting boundaries.

Handle Pushback Calmly

Sometimes, people might push back against your boundaries. They might not understand why you’re saying no or might try to convince you to change your mind. Stay calm and remind yourself that your boundaries are important for your well-being. Stick to your decision and explain your boundaries gently if needed.

Be Consistent

Consistency is key when setting boundaries. If you set a boundary, try to stick to it. Being consistent helps others understand that you’re serious about your limits and encourages them to respect them.

Start Small

If setting boundaries feels overwhelming, start with small, manageable ones. For example, you might begin by setting a boundary about how long you’ll stay at social events or how much work you’re willing to take on. As you become more comfortable, you can gradually set more boundaries.

Seek Support

It can be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor if you’re struggling with setting boundaries. They can provide guidance and support as you work on this skill. Therapy can also help you understand why you might have difficulty setting boundaries and how to overcome these challenges.

Celebrate Your Progress

Setting boundaries is a skill that takes practice. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Each time you set a boundary, you’re taking a step towards better self-care and healthier relationships. Acknowledge your progress and be proud of yourself for making positive changes.

Setting boundaries is an important part of self-care, especially if you’ve been a people-pleaser. By recognizing your needs, learning to say no, and being clear about your limits, you can create a healthier balance in your life. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize yourself and set boundaries that protect your well-being. With practice and support, you’ll become more comfortable with setting boundaries and feel more empowered in your relationships and daily life.